How to Stop Co-Sleeping: A Gentle Step-by-Step Guide by Age
It is 2am. Your baby has woken for the third time, you are too tired to stand in the dark rocking them again, so you bring them into your bed. Just for tonight. Then tonight becomes this week, this week becomes this month, and now you cannot remember the last time you slept without a little foot in your ribs. If that sounds familiar, you are not doing anything wrong. Bringing a baby into bed is one of the most common ways exhausted parents get through the night, and moving them out again is one of the most common reasons families start looking intoย gentle sleep training.
The good news is that you do not need to leave your baby to cry to stop co-sleeping. With the right day behind them and a plan that matches their age, most babies and toddlers learn to sleep happily in their own bed. This guide walks you through exactly how to do it, step by step, from babies under 6 months to toddlers of 2 and 3.
Gentle sleep training, without the tears you were dreading.
The Little Onesยฎ method is a paediatric sleep expert framework used by more than 1 Million families worldwide. Age-matched schedules, a clear settling plan, and real human support if you want it, all in one app.
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In this article:
- What is co-sleeping?
- Why parents co-sleep, and why so many want to stop
- Is co-sleeping safe? What the guidelines say
- When should you stop co-sleeping?
- Before you start: get the day right
- How to stop co-sleeping: the step-by-step plan
- How to stop co-sleeping by age
- How to sleep train a co-sleeping baby
- What if your baby will only sleep in your bed?
- Key takeaways
- Frequently asked questions
What Is Co-Sleeping?
Co-sleeping means different things to different people. Sometimes it simply means room-sharing, where your baby sleeps in their own cot, crib or bassinet in your bedroom. Most of the time, though, people use it to mean bed-sharing: your baby or toddler sleeping in your bed with you. Bed-sharing is what this guide focuses on. Room-sharing with a separate sleep space is what safe sleep guidelines recommend for at least the first 6 months, so it is often the first stop on the way out of your bed.
Why Parents Co-Sleep, and Why So Many Want to Stop
For some families co-sleeping is a planned, happy choice. For many more it starts as a survival strategy, usually at the point where sleep deprivation wins. The Lullaby Trust recognises that many parents end up sharing a bed with their baby, whether they planned to or not.
At first it can feel like a fix. Your baby is close, you can feed or soothe them without getting up, and everyone drifts back off a little faster. Over time, though, the arrangement often stops working:
- You are not really sleeping. Lying still so you do not wake your baby, or being woken by every wriggle, is not restful, and many parents find they wake far more often with a baby beside them.
- Your baby is waking more, not less. If your baby can only fall asleep next to you, they often need you again every time they surface between sleep cycles. A large study of families in 17 countries linked a parent being present as a baby falls asleep with more night waking.
- You are worried about safety. Especially in the first year, many parents feel uneasy with a baby in an adult bed.
- It is affecting the whole family. A partner on the couch, a new sibling on the way, or simply wanting your evenings and your bed back.
None of these make you a bad parent for co-sleeping, or for wanting to stop. They are simply signs that it is time for a new plan.
Is Co-Sleeping Safe? What the Guidelines Say
This is the question many parents are quietly asking, so here is the honest answer. Health authorities across the UK, Australia, New Zealand and the US agree that the safest place for a baby to sleep is on their back, in their own clear, flat sleep space, in the same room as a parent:
- UK: the NHS and The Lullaby Trust recommend a cot or Moses basket in your room for at least the first 6 months.
- Australia and New Zealand: Red Nose recommends a separate safe sleep space in the parentsโ room for the first 6 months.
- US: the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends sharing a room but not a bed, preferably for at least the first 6 months, and does not support bed-sharing.
Before any sleep schedule, settling method or routine, the foundation is always safe sleep. Place your baby on their back, on a firm flat mattress in a clear cot or bassinet, in their own sleep space in your room for at least the first 6 months. Follow safer sleep guidance from Red Nose (AU/NZ), The Lullaby Trust (UK) and the AAP (US). See our full Safe Sleep Guidelines for region-specific resources.
We know real life does not always follow the guidelines, and many parents do fall asleep with their baby. The Lullaby Trust advises that co-sleeping is especially dangerous if anyone in the bed has drunk alcohol, smokes, or has taken drugs or medication that cause drowsiness, or if your baby was born prematurely or at a low birth weight. Never fall asleep with your baby on a sofa or armchair. If you are bed-sharing right now, please read The Lullaby Trustโs co-sleeping guidance while you work through the plan below.
When Should You Stop Co-Sleeping?
If your baby is under 12 months
If you are bed-sharing with a baby under 12 months, we recommend moving them into their own sleep space in your room as soon as you can. This is the age when safe sleep guidance matters most, and it is also the easiest age to change sleep habits.
If your toddler is over 12 months
After the first birthday the risk of sudden infant death falls sharply, so there is far less urgency. If you and your toddler both sleep well together and you enjoy it, you can make the move whenever you feel ready. Just know that sleep associations grow stronger the longer they are in place. If co-sleeping is not your long-term plan, it is usually easier to make the change sooner rather than later.
Choosing the right moment
Try to start when life is otherwise calm. Avoid the weeks around a house move, a holiday, starting daycare or a new baby arriving, and wait until your little one is well if they are unwell or cutting a tooth.
Before You Start: Get the Day Right
Most babies end up in their parentsโ bed because they are waking a lot overnight. So before you change where your baby sleeps, give them the best possible chance of sleeping well there. Three things make the biggest difference.
1. Set up their own sleep space
Your babyโs cot or bassinet should feel like the best place to sleep, not a consolation prize. Keep the room dark for naps and nights, with no nightlights or mobiles for babies and toddlers under 2. Continuous white noise can help your baby settle and link sleep cycles. Use a swaddle only until your baby shows signs of rolling, then move to a baby sleeping bag. Our guide to setting up the ideal sleep environment covers the details.
Safe Sleep at a Glance
- โ Always on their back
- โ Firm, flat, clear sleep surface
- โ Own sleep space, in your room
- โ Smoke-free environment
- โ Appropriate room temperature
- โ No loose items in the cot
Follow this guidance for every sleep, day and night, for the first 12 months. Full safe sleep guidelines for your region.
2. Match their day to their age
Babies need a careful balance of awake time and sleep during the day to sleep well at night. If your baby is overtired or undertired at bedtime, they will fight sleep in a new bed however gentle your approach. Age-appropriate awake windows are the biggest lever you have. The Little Onesยฎ Sleep App builds your babyโs schedule for their exact age and adjusts it as they grow, so you are not guessing.
3. Create a predictable bedtime routine
Babies and toddlers thrive on predictability. A short, calm bedtime routine, done the same way before every nap and bedtime, tells your baby that sleep is coming wherever they are sleeping. It can be as simple as a nappy change, a feed, a cuddle and a sleep phrase such as โtime for sleep nowโ, with a bath, book and song added at bedtime.
โIโve used it over 6 years for 2 kids and found it endlessly helpful. Itโs important to be flexible though, some days do just go pear shaped. I think people get confused that the only way you can have routine is through cry it out, which is absolutely not the case. This met me where I was, a breastfeed to sleep mama.โ
Kira Longfield, mum of two. 5 Star Google Play review.
How to Stop Co-Sleeping: The Step-by-Step Plan
Think of moving out of co-sleeping as a ladder rather than a leap. Each step changes just one thing, so your baby only has one new thing to get used to at a time. Move up to the next step once the current one feels settled, usually after a few days to a week.
Watch our paediatric sleep team answer one parentโs question about moving a co-sleeping 7 month old into their own bed.
- Own bed, your room. Your baby sleeps in their own cot or bassinet in your bedroom for every nap and night. For now, settle them to sleep however works (feeding, rocking or cuddling) and then transfer them. The only goal at this step is that they learn their own bed is where sleep happens.
- Less help at the start of sleep. Once they are happy sleeping in their own bed, start reducing how much help you give at the start of naps and bedtime. For example, feed or rock until drowsy rather than fully asleep, and give them the chance to drift off the rest of the way. Overnight, keep resettling them however works for now.
- Their own room, when you are ready. Room-sharing is recommended for at least the first 6 months. After that, if your baby is still waking a lot, they may settle better without you close by. Keep everything else the same: the same sleeping bag, the same white noise and, for toddlers over 12 months, the same comforter. You can sleep on a mattress in their room for a few nights at first if it reassures you both.
- Settling overnight on their own. Finally, when your baby wakes in the night, give them a moment to resettle if they are content. If they become upset, go in, offer a feed if they still need one, and help them back to sleep using the same approach you now use at bedtime.
Until your baby is established on solids, one or two feeds overnight is normal. If they are waking much more often than that, they may be overtired or undertired, or waking out of habit.
This is the same order we use inside the Little Onesยฎ Sleep App, where each step comes with your babyโs age-matched schedule and a settling plan that tells you exactly how to respond at bedtime and overnight.
You don't have to figure this out alone at 2am.
Everything you need, the age-matched schedule, the settling plan, the troubleshooting, lives in one place in the Little Onesยฎ Sleep App. Trusted by 1 Million+ families.
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How to Stop Co-Sleeping by Age
How to stop co-sleeping with a baby under 6 months
At this age, focus on step 1: getting your baby sleeping in their own bassinet or cot in your room. At naps and overnight, settle your baby fully to sleep with a feed or a cuddle, then hold them for a few minutes until they are in a deeper sleep before lowering them into bed. If they stir, keep a hand on them and pat or gently rock until they drift back off. Repeat at each wake. If your baby resists being put down, our guide to why babies wonโt sleep in their bassinet can help.
If your baby is between 3 and 6 months and has suddenly started waking every couple of hours, they may have hit the 4 month sleep regression. Many families start co-sleeping right here, just to cope. Because the regression is driven by a permanent change in how your baby sleeps, bringing them into bed tends to postpone the problem rather than solve it. Working gently towards self-settling at the start of naps and bedtime is what helps them link sleep cycles again.
How to stop co-sleeping with a 6 to 12 month old
From around 6 months, your baby has usually become more reliant on your presence to fall asleep, so self-settling is the key to longer stretches overnight. Work through all four steps of the plan above, staying on each step until it feels easy.
If you are breastfeeding and your baby feeds a lot overnight in your bed, look at how much they are taking in during the day. Some babies start reverse cycling, taking more of their milk at night, which makes nights harder for everyone. Our tips for night feeds explain how to keep feeds calm and help your baby back into their own cot. Separation anxiety often builds towards the end of the first year, so expect a little more protest and offer plenty of reassurance.
How to stop co-sleeping with a 1 year old (12 months to 2 years)
If your toddler is still used to being fed or rocked to sleep, follow the same four steps. If feeding or rocking to sleep is no longer an option, use your presence, touch and voice instead. Sit beside their cot and pat, stroke or shush them to sleep. If they become distressed, pick them up and cuddle them until calm, then put them back down and try again. Once they can fall asleep in their own cot with you nearby, gradually do less, or use one of the gentle settling methods below.
From 12 months, a small comforter or cuddly toy can become a helpful new sleep association. Our 12 month old sleep schedule shows what a balanced day looks like at this age.
How to stop co-sleeping with a toddler (2 and 3 years)
Toddlers understand much more about what is going on, so talk to them about the change. Make their own bed something to look forward to: let them choose new sheets or a cuddly toy, read a story about sleeping in their own bed, and try a simple morning reward chart if it motivates them. A dim nightlight can help reassure toddlers over 2 who are nervous of the dark.
The 2 year sleep regression often brings nap refusal, night waking and separation anxiety, and just a few nights back in your bed can undo your progress, so consistency matters. If your toddler is anxious, take a slower approach. Sit beside their bed at first and move a little further away every few days until you are out of the room.
It is tempting to move your toddler into a big bed at the same time, but we recommend keeping them in a cot for as long as you can. Once they can climb out, the novelty often brings more wakes. If they are already in a bed, quietly walk them back each time they get up, with as little talking as possible. Got a preschooler testing every boundary? Our guide to threenagers and sleep can help.
How to Sleep Train a Co-Sleeping Baby
Before you pick a method, get the day right. If awake windows and routine are correct, 8 or 9 families out of 10 donโt actually need formal sleep training. If you do, here is what the methods look like, and the Little Onesยฎ Sleep App matches the right one to your babyโs age and current sleep association.
None of these ask you to leave your baby to cry alone. Extinction, often called cry it out, is not what Little Onesยฎ recommends as a starting point, and you do not need it to move out of co-sleeping.
Fading your current help
You keep doing what already settles your baby, whether that is feeding, rocking, holding or lying beside them, and slowly do less of it until they are falling asleep in their own bed with very little help. It is the gentlest starting point and suits most babies who have been co-sleeping.
Gradual retreat (the chair method)
You stay beside your babyโs bed and offer reassurance as they fall asleep, then gradually move further away over a series of nights until you are out of the room. It works well for older babies and toddlers who need to know you are close by.
Pick-up-put-down
You lay your baby in their bed awake, pick them up to calm them if they become upset, and put them back down once they are settled. It is responsive and hands-on, and suits younger babies who are comforted by being held.
Timed check-ins
You leave the room and return at set intervals to offer brief reassurance. It is often quicker, but involves more crying than the gentler approaches, so it suits parents who are comfortable with that trade-off.
The Little Onesยฎ Sleep App walks you through more gentle sleep training methods than any other app, matched to your babyโs age and current sleep association. That includes a dedicated Co-Sleeping Method for babies over 6 months, built for families moving their baby out of their bed. If you are drawn to the gentlest path, read Can I sleep train my baby without using cry it out?.
โMany of the mainstream baby sleep books and advice impose generic and rigid strategies for teaching babies to sleep independently. These don't take into consideration individual variation, unique family circumstances and sometimes even the emotional toll of sleep training.โ
Dr Kate Johnson, Ph.D. in Sleep Physiology, Harvard Medical School and Stanford Research Institute
Dr Kate Johnson is a sleep neurophysiologist with a Ph.D. in Sleep Physiology from the University of Melbourne and postdoctoral fellowships at Harvard Medical School and Stanford Research Institute. She discovered Little Onesยฎ independently through her clinical work with families and endorses our methods unprompted. Read her full endorsement.
Worried that moving your baby out of your bed will harm your bond? The evidence is reassuring. A randomised trial that followed families for five years found that gentle behavioural sleep strategies used in infancy had no lasting negative effects on childrenโs emotional health, stress levels or closeness with their parents.
What If Your Baby Will Only Sleep in Your Bed?
Some babies protest loudly when they realise their sleeping spot has changed, and that is normal. Your baby is not upset because something is wrong. They are upset because something is different. A few things make the change smoother:
- Expect a few harder nights. Most families see things improve within a week or two of being consistent, and the first two or three nights are usually the toughest.
- Get everyone on the same page. If one parent brings your baby into bed and the other does not, your baby gets mixed messages. Agree on the plan before you start.
- Do not panic about one setback. If your baby is unwell and you need them close, keep them in their own sleep space beside your bed, then go straight back to the plan when they are better.
- Check the day if nights are not improving. If you are a week in and still struggling, the schedule is usually the culprit, not the method. A nap that runs too long or a bedtime that comes too late can undo a lot of good work.
- Watch for regressions. A sleep regression can make it feel like the plan has stopped working. Stay consistent and it will pass.
Want to see what this looks like in real life? Read how one family went from co-sleeping and waking all night at 13 months to settled nights, or how another baby went from sleeping on mum or dad to all night in her own cot.
โThis app helped us for all 3 kids. Kids were sleeping through the night (waking to eat) right away. The app helps to teach them to self soothe without letting them cry it out. They are 2 to 7 years old now and all sleep the whole night in their own beds. I continuously recommend this app to all of my pregnant friends.โ
Lsys3, parent of three (now 2 to 7 years), United States. 5 Star App Store review.
Key Takeaways: How to Stop Co-Sleeping
- Safety first: the safest place for your baby to sleep is their own clear, flat sleep space in your room for at least the first 6 months.
- Under 12 months: move your baby into their own sleep space as soon as you can.
- Over 12 months: there is less urgency, but sleep habits grow stronger with time.
- Get the day right first: an age-matched schedule and a predictable routine make everything else easier.
- One step at a time: own bed in your room, less help at bedtime, own room, then settling overnight.
- No cry it out needed: gentle methods let you stay close while your baby learns.
- Consistency wins: most families see a real difference within a week or two.
You do not have to work this out alone at 2am. The Little Onesยฎ Sleep App gives you your babyโs age-matched schedule, sleep tracking and a step-by-step settling plan for moving out of co-sleeping, trusted by 1 Million+ families. Once you are subscribed, you can also book a one-to-one session with a paediatric sleep consultant inside the app if you would like a human walk-through.
One calm night is closer than you think.
Once the signs are there, the Little Onesยฎ Sleep App gives you the schedule, the settling plan, and the gentle method in one place. Most families see a meaningful difference within 3 to 5 nights.
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Frequently Asked Questions About Stopping Co-Sleeping
When should you stop co-sleeping with your baby?
Safe sleep guidelines recommend that babies sleep in their own sleep space in your room for at least the first 6 months. If you are bed-sharing with a baby under 12 months, move them into their own cot or bassinet as soon as you can. After 12 months there is less urgency, and you can make the change whenever it suits your family.
How do I stop co-sleeping with my 1 year old?
Start with an age-appropriate schedule and a consistent bedtime routine. Then move your 1 year old into their own cot in your room and settle them there using your presence, touch and voice. Gradually reduce your help at bedtime, then move them into their own room and work on settling overnight. Many 1 year olds adjust within one to two weeks.
How do I stop co-sleeping with my toddler?
Talk to your toddler about the change and involve them by letting them choose new bedding or a cuddly toy. Keep them in a cot for as long as you can. Sit by their bed at first and move a little further away every few days. If they get out of bed, calmly walk them back with as little talking as possible.
How long does it take to stop co-sleeping?
Most families see a clear improvement within one to two weeks of consistent changes, and the first few nights are usually the hardest. If things are not improving after a week, check your babyโs naps and bedtime. An overtired or undertired baby will struggle to settle anywhere.
Can I sleep train my baby while bed-sharing?
It is much easier to teach self-settling once your baby is in their own cot, because they learn to fall asleep in the same place they wake up overnight. Start by moving your baby into their own sleep space in your room, then use a gentle method to reduce your help at bedtime. Safe sleep guidance also recommends your baby sleeps in their own space.
Should I co-sleep during the 4 month sleep regression?
Many parents start co-sleeping during the 4 month regression because they are exhausted. The regression comes from a lasting change in how your baby sleeps, so bed-sharing usually delays the problem rather than fixing it. Keeping your baby in their own cot in your room and working gently on self-settling helps them link sleep cycles again.
Will stopping co-sleeping affect our bond?
No. Your bond is built through the thousands of moments you share every day, not by where your baby sleeps. A randomised trial that followed families for five years found that gentle behavioural sleep strategies used in infancy had no lasting negative effects on childrenโs emotional health or on their closeness with their parents.
Bibliography
The safe sleep guidance, sleep research and settling approaches in this article draw on international health guidelines, peer-reviewed studies of infant sleep and behavioural sleep interventions, and the clinical experience behind the Little Onesยฎ Sleep App.
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- The Lullaby Trust. Co-sleeping.
- NHS. Reduce the risk of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).
- Red Nose Australia. Safe sleeping.
- Raising Children Network. Co-sleeping with babies.
- Mindell, J. A., Sadeh, A., Kohyama, J., & How, T. H. (2010). Parental behaviors and sleep outcomes in infants and toddlers: A cross-cultural comparison. Sleep Medicine, 11(4), 393โ399.
- Mindell, J. A., Kuhn, B., Lewin, D. S., Meltzer, L. J., & Sadeh, A. (2006). Behavioral treatment of bedtime problems and night wakings in infants and young children. Sleep, 29(10), 1263โ1276.
- Gradisar, M., Jackson, K., Spurrier, N. J., Gibson, J., Whitham, J., Williams, A. S., Dolby, R., & Kennaway, D. J. (2016). Behavioral interventions for infant sleep problems: A randomized controlled trial. Pediatrics, 137(6), e20151486.
- Price, A. M. H., Wake, M., Ukoumunne, O. C., & Hiscock, H. (2012). Five-year follow-up of harms and benefits of behavioral infant sleep intervention: Randomized trial. Pediatrics, 130(4), 643โ651.
